This halloween season I finally got around to watching every single Friday the 13th movie, including the remake and the new Crystal Lake series. This is something I have been wanting to do for a while, as I have always loved these movies since I was a kid. I have some really fond memories of watching Joe Bob Briggs giving his amazing commentary during my late night viewings of Monster Vision back in the 90s. I remember staring at the VHS covers in the rental store back in the 80s, wishing my parents would let me watch them. And, of course, there was my cousin who let me watch them when I was way too young . So, do these movies still hold up? The short answer to that is yes. The long answer, well, that’s a bit more complicated.
As a kid, these movies were legendary. There was something about rated R movies that just hit different back in the 80’s. I don’t even know how to explain it. I guess during a time when there wasn’t exposure to 24/7 slop right in the palm of your hand, there was just a little more mystique behind certain things. Only having a handful of channels to watch, having maybe a dozen VHS tapes to play through, and video games that primarily consisted of little bleep and bloop sounds, our young minds just hadn’t been corrupted yet.
As I was watching these movies, I was immediately thrust back to those days. Memories were flooding through of when I first watched them growing up, and how taken back I was by all the blood, gore, and well…boobs. I had a friend in 5th and 6th grade I watched most of these with during sleepovers. After a night of pizza, soda, and NES games, it was time to turn off the lights and pretend to be asleep until our parents went to bed. After that, we snuck in some late night cable programming. Friday the 13th flicks were always on a loop every weekend on TNT’s MonsterVision. 3D, Final Chapter, New Beginning, Jason Lives and New Blood were usually the ones we would catch the most.
The first movie in the series, aptly titled Friday the 13th, has always been a classic. I find that one has the widest appeal. It’s a decent little mystery, has some good kills, and ends with a fun twist. Even my dad, who hates those movies, can tolerate that one. Part 2 is when Jason becomes the frontman of the franchise. We don’t have the legendary hockey mask yet, but we do have a nice cotton sack instead. The franchise hadn’t found its fitting yet, but it’s still a lot of fun to watch. The third movie in the series, appropriately bringing us into the third dimension, is when we finally get the hockey mask wearing slasher we know and love. The kills are more elaborate, bloody, and in 3D! This one really brings me back. 3D was always a favorite because of that shooting eyeball scene. We always had a good laugh at that.
The Final Chapter was another favorite of ours. We were big Corey Feldman fans back then. Gremlins, The Goonies, Stand By Me, The Lost Boys, all classics. And this is right up there with them. And lets not forget about the legendary Crispin Glover, sporting some sick dance moves. I know New Beginning is a little controversial amongst the fans, but I always enjoyed that one too. The scene at the beginning where the angry dude beats the chocolate kid to death with an axe always stuck with me. Jason Lives is where we finally get supernatural zombie Jason. Funny enough, the story of this one is almost completely reused for Jason Goes to Hell. Jason is killed, reborn, there is a dude trying to get people to believe Jason is back, the cops don’t believe him, and hilarity ensues. Jason lives is a much much better film though.
A New Blood finally gives us the hulking Jason, as Kane Hodder makes his way behind the mask. Personally, this is my favorite representation of the machete wielding serial killer. He just looks so awesome. He’s massive, intimidating, and the battle damage is so rad. I love how his spine is exposed, as well as half of his skull from damage he sustained in the previous movie. Sadly, this one was eaten alive by the MPAA, so the kills were disappointing and the story was kind of meh. The whole psychic lady angle was just weird, and it ultimately went nowhere in the franchise. Jason Takes Manhattan, which picks up right where New Blood ends, takes a new approach to the franchise. It removes Jason from Crystal Lake and places him in the heart of New York City. Well, sort of. The first half is on a boat, the rest is mostly filmed in Canada until we get the iconic scene of Jason walking through Time Square. I never really liked this one. It was fine, I guess, but it just never resonated with me. As a kid I never understood the ending, and I still don’t all these decades later.
Jason Goes to Hell was the first movie that didn’t bear the “Friday the 13th” name, thanks to rights issues. I believe it was also the first one in the franchise that I saw in theaters. I had a lot of nostalgia for this movie, as growing up it was a big deal in my circle. My cousin, who got me into horror, was a massive Jason fan. We had collected everything that had to do with this movie, spending many weekends hunting everything down. It was a lot of fun, and some really fond memories of mine. Sadly, this movie just hasn’t held up for me. It was kind of a slog to get through when watching it back to back with the other movies. The story wasn’t great, the characters were lame, and it was just nonsensical. Like New Blood, this one added a bunch of weird supernatural stuff like a body hopping Jason, a magic knife, and the demon worm thing. The best part was the very end, when Freddy’s glove popped out of the ground to pull Jason’s mask down to hell. Sadly, we would need to wait a decade for that scene to pay off.
In the meantime, we got Jason X. What can I say about this one? Why do these movies always end up in space? Critters, Leprechaun, Hellraiser, and I think Amityville did too. What? Anyways, this movie doesn’t look great at all. The acting is mostly garbage, the CGI is terrible, but there were some pretty good kills. My favorite is the face in the liquid nitrogen. That’s a classic. Anyways, Jason gets taken out by a robot lady. Nanobots make him a super Jason, then he gets pushed into space and burns up in Earth’s atmosphere. Ok, great. It’s over, let’s move on.
Freddy vs. Jason is where things finally come back to the basics. I had just as much fun watching this now as I did when it originally came out. It is definitely a product of its time, complete with that early 2000’s slasher feel. Personally, I loved that era. It gave us some real gems, and this was no different. The long awaited duel of the two 80’s icons certainly did not disappoint. This movie was loaded with great kills, classic Freddy one-liners, a decent story that did its best to intertwine both franchises, and it gave us a rad payoff at the end. Sadly, this movie was the crescendo to the classic slasher era we had enjoyed for roughly three decades. It would be the last time we saw either character in their original forms, but at least they both went out with a bang.
Not even a full decade later, Friday the 13th received the remake treatment. I avoided this one for a long time. I don’t think I watched it until maybe two years ago when I snagged the blu-ray for $1 while I was out thrifting. Let me tell you, that $1 was well worth it in my opinion. I think this movie is great. We have done away with all the campiness, and weird supernatural stuff to give us a very grounded Jason. This dude is seriously intimidating. He’s a massive dude, he’s fast, he’s intelligent, and he absolutely wrecks people. Seriously, this movie has some of the best kills in the franchise. I would have loved it if we had received a trilogy, but it was unfortunately the only movie we got out of Platinum Dunes. Shortly after, the rights to the character and franchise went nuclear, which didn’t seem to find a resolution until fairly recently. And well, that brings us to Crystal Lake, which dropped on Peacock this month. That show was a pile of shit.
I feel like these movies are part of a bygone era. We try over and over to keep the spirit alive with countless reboots and remakes, but they never hit the same. Maybe it’s just me, because I remember a time when these movies were talked about on the playground as if they were the most scary and horrific things to ever have existed. Now you can turn on your phone and watch people get blown up with just a few swipes. I think that kills the magic of the slasher genre (PUNS!). People being killed was taboo when these movies were released, and unseen to most during that time. Graphic violence was really unsettling to see, even if we knew it was fake. Like I said, there are still kills in these movies that have stuck with me for decades. There was a magic behind these that just can’t be recreated in modern times.
Happy Halloween everyone!
